A Pig Wants to Fly 086 July 2008
A Chinese Pig who loves to eat the digested waste of other pigs has been hired as a college professor to teach the subject of waste management, and is further invited as a regular contributor to newspaper Sow's Capital. When Sichuan earthquake happened, the pig published an article on the Sow's Capital claiming that he had interviewed Buddha and learned this is part of enlightened waste management program. He was thus strongly comdemned by Buddhists for his reckless insult to their faith, and fiercely slamed by Chinese netizens for being an anti-humanity animal. With mouthwater collected from over 1 billion Chinese so deep, the pig soon finds itselve swimming in the flood chamber of hell where he meets female devil Palden Lhamo, a son-liker, and is asked if he killed his own piglet. "Demn it, I didn't," responds the pig. "I'm here only because I promoted a program called managing waste without borders. Your venerable advisor of holy Dalai Lama, and grand master of black magic, please help me get out of hell." The devil pauses for a while. "Only if a pig can fly." The pig frowns, "You mean I should learn from birds? But, you know, I'm a professor of waste management ..." "Stop fooling around," the devil cuts him short, "You only know how to scavenge the waste of other pigs, the pigs with the vioce of America, or the sound of false hope, or locked in a evil porch, or looked like a buttock-shaped apple. Ask yourself, in which way you are worthier than a flying chicken?" "That is a dig at me," the pig grins wryly. "But, I have no choice, haven't I? Done, I'm gonna get above myself. From now on I'm called Pig Learns from Bird, translated into Chinese it is 猪学禽." 一只生活在中国的猪专爱吃其它猪拉下来的大香小香，由此被一大学聘去做垃圾处理叫兽，并被邀为南方毒屎报写专栏。 汶川地震发生后，猪叫兽撰文于毒屎，声称刚刚采访了佛祖，了解到此次地震是佛祖回收处理工程的一部分。猪某很不幸，因此被十多亿中国人吐出的声讨唾沫淹没。 猪某在无间地狱的的口水池中头起头没，巧遇大赖的守护女魔也在那儿踩水，于是求她念在他为大赖上司中情局摧毁中国计划鞍前马后使劲叫唤的份上拉他一把。 女魔头打量它一下说：“你要能出地狱，猪都能飞上天了。” 猪某很郁闷。“你骂俺是鸟猪？” 女魔头不屑一顾。“你就别抬举自己了。你除了会刨吃美国口音猪、希望吱声猪、股状苹果猪、大大鸡院猪拉出来的大香小香外，你还会什么？别说鸟了，你连一只鸡都不如。” 猪某郁闷至极。“看来猪还是不如禽哪，既然大赖的魔头军师如此指点，俺就改名叫猪学禽好了。” Previous: They Don't
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