Chinese
Netzen's Humour
A great proportion of
Chinese Netzens are said to be youth, and a
great proportion of young Chinese Netzens are
allegedly easy to get angry. But when these
angry youth (fengqing 愤青) are not angry, they can be
quite funny. Below are some of their famous
lines:
睡眠是一门艺术...谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
Sleeping
is an art - no one can stop me from pursuing
my beloved art.
长个包子样就别怨狗跟着！
If you
look like a meat bun, don’t complaint about
being followed by dogs.
人生不能像做菜, 等把所有的料都准备好才下锅。
Living a life is not like cooking a meal: you
can’t wait until all the materials are
ready then begin.
铁杵能磨成针，但木杵只能磨成牙签 - 材料不对，再努力也没用。
If you
have enough patience, you may eventually
sharpen an iron bar into a needle, but you
can only sharpen a log into a toothpick - if
you are not that kind of material, nothing
helps.
银行收费时说：“这符合国际惯例！”服务时却说：“要考虑中国国情！”
When they bill you, the banks would say we
need to keep up with the international
standards. When they serve you, the banks
would say we have to consider China’s
special circumstances.
争吵的时候，男人和女人的区别像是步枪和机关枪的区别。
When having a row, the difference between men
and women are like that between rifles and
machine guns.
如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。
If the willingness of responding to other
people’s posts is a virtue, I’d be a
saint long ago.
自打我变成了一泡屎，就再也没有人敢踩在我头顶上啦。
Ever since I became shit, no one ever dares
to tread upon me.
你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死吗？我会闭上眼睛的。
You reckon I would watch you die? No! I would
close my eyes when you die.
我真想亲口管你爷爷叫声：爹！
I really like to call your grandfather: dad!
(used when a youth wants to degrade his Net
foe by calling him son)
听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了20年。
(This is too good to be
translated into English, so we recommend to
learn Chinese first then come back to read
the line.)
脱了衣服我是禽兽，穿上衣服我是衣冠禽兽！
(And this too. So there
are a lot of incentives for you to learn
Chinese)