A
Model Staff's Letter to His Boss
1. Never
give me work in the morning. Always wait until
4:00pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of
a deadline is refreshing.
2. If
it's really a "rush job", run in and
interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's
going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind
me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always
leave without telling anyone where you're going.
It gives me a chance to be creative when someone
asks where you are.
4. Wait
until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my
goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre
performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
5. If you
give me more than one job to do, don't tell me
which is the priority. I like being a psychic.
6. Do
your best to keep me late. I adore this office
and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
I have no life beyond work.
7. If a
job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that
gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you
don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name
to be popular in conversations. I was born to be
whipped.
9. If you
have special instructions for a job, don't write
them down. In fact, save them until the job is
almost done. No use confusing me with useful
information.
10. Never
introduce me to the people you're with. I have no
right to know anything. In the corporate food
chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them
later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Tell
me all your little problems. No one else has any
and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.
I especially like the story about having to pay
so much taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.
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