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The Terracotta Warriors Have Returned

25 March 2007

Do you feel the guy in the right is somewhat familiar to your eye? Hmmm ... yap, he is a Chinese basketball star playing for Houston Rockerts. Then who is the guy in the left? The star's newly discovered twin brother?

To find the answer we may need to turn our attention to Hollywood first, and to the Universal Studio in particular.

Some time ago the Universal confessed to the world that it has tipped off the most celebrated tomb robbers on the planet for the third time, and the new victim is the most splendid graveyard in the East. Jet Li, who previously in Hero made a failed attempt on the life of First Emperor Chin, is coming back with a mandate to sack China's most sacred city of the head.

Earlier when a Chinese economist proposed to excavate the tomb and turn it into a tourist attraction to earn hard cash, the get-rich-quick guru nearly died of drowning in an angry wave of online condemnation. This time when Jet Li's wicked intention let known to China's Netizens, there is, strangely, no protest, but restrained excitement.

Then a rumour has surfaced out of nowhere and spreads across Chinese cyberspace faster than wide fire. At this very moment, anyone who browses through China’s online forums will soon stumble on a bunch of photos that are said to be of the incarnations of the terra-cotta warriors who guard the underground palace. It is long known that the clay soldiers were modeled according to the emperor's real armies, and when some persons in the photos clearly happen to be our contemporaries, you go figure the implications!

So following the clues, we have conducted some investigations by letting all these appeared in the photos try on each other's costumes and hairdos, and the results are stunning. Now we present our examinations here for you to review and to judge.

The man in the right is a famous Chinese actor, and the man in the left ....

... is a terra-cotta warrior

The man in the left is a terra-cotta warrior, but the man in the right ...

... is a Chinese comedian

Now let's go back to the first question: who is the guy in the left.

You may have already figured out. So what is this star basketball player?

宁可信其有,不可信其无。It is very likely that the yin army guarding the imperial mausoleum against the tomb robbers has already returned to the yang world. Somebody please warn Jet Li, Rob Cohen, Stephen Sommers, Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Bob Ducsay, Sean Daniel, Jim Jackj ....... 救人一命,胜造七级浮屠。阿弥陀佛!

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